I flushed my television remote down the toilet

No, this post is not going to be about the dearth of quality content on television. I literally flushed my television remote down the toilet.

I write software for a living, and part that job is designing user interfaces. Deciding what buttons the user should see, and how they should be laid out; this is important stuff. It also means I am a pain in the arse to go shopping with.

Salesperson: It does 1080p full high def and it’s cheap!
Me: Show me the remote.
Salesperson: okay, let me go out the back and grab it… here you go.
Me: Why so many buttons? I’m never going to use most of them.
Salesperson: um..
Me: and the on screen menu is hideous
Salesperson: But it’s got a LED back light for really dark blacks and bright colours!
Me: and there’s a 1 second delay every time you do something.
Salesperson: … and a 100Hz refresh rate…
Me: oh my god the mute icon stays on permanently in the corner of the screen! Why do I need an icon to tell me there’s no sound! I can hear that there’s no sound!

At which point they give up and serve someone else. But I eventually found the perfect tele, with a good, easy to use, responsive on screen interface. Unfortunately the remote they showed me at the store still had too many useless buttons, but I had given up by that point. So when I got it home and unpacked the box to find two remotes, one small and well designed, I was over the moon.

No crap for adjusting the colour presets! No buttons for controlling the non-existent DVD player! Just the stuff you need: volume, channel, change input source and most importantly, a big fat MUTE button for silencing the ads. I was in love.

The only downside of a small, elegant remote? It can fit down an s-bend.

During a commercial I wandered into the toilet, the remote snugly in my pocket. As I reached over and flushed, it decided to make a break for freedom. Watching it slosh around, I hesitated, not wanting to stick my hand in there, and thinking that surely it couldn’t fit down. I waited a second too long.

And now I’m stuck with the big, cumbersome channel changer.


2 thoughts on “I flushed my television remote down the toilet

  1. OMG.
    You fool. Always grab for the flushing technology. I got about three more years out of my mostly un-soiled Nokia after saving it from the watery vortex.

  2. Somehow, further down the S-bend, that infernal remote is still at work, mysteriously changing the channels on other households’ tellies as it travels ever forward towards the sea…..

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