After new friends get to know me, one question is inevitable. “What kind of girls do you like?” I think I always get this question because I’m not very vocal about who I’m attracted to. I don’t wolf whistle or stare or proclaim “dayumn” every time someone I like walks by. Recently I was asked if I was gay by one of my new melbourne friends. The truth is I’m kind of shy and clueless when it comes to this stuff. I can’t flirt and I don’t even realise when someone is trying do so with me.
Anyway as a public service to clear up any confusion, here is a list of people I am attracted to. The catch? They are all fictional people from TV shows.
Liz Lemon
Liz Lemon runs her own Saturday Night Live style comedy show in 30 Rock. She’s quick, she’s funny, she’s in control. She also drops star wars references as often as she drops food on her top when eating. My kind of girl.
Daria Morgendorfer
Sure, she’s animated, but Daria’s got attitude. Surly, with a razor sharp wit, so sarcastic it borders on recursive sarcasm. Of course all this spikyness sits on top of a vulnerable squishy interior that’s too adorable to ignore. Daria had the greatest one liners ever. Thanks to her, I am disappointed every time I go to a job interview and they don’t ask me what my greatest weakness is.
Jane Lane
Because if Tom could go out with both Daria and Jane, why can’t I? Oh that’s right, they are animated sprites that don’t actually exist. Anyway… whereas Daria is a intellectual nerd, Jane is an arty, creative nerd.
Samantha Carter
Samantha Carter from Stargate is an astro-physics genius. She also rides a motorbike and knows how to handle a P90 sub machine gun when the aliens are trying to kill her. Need I say more?
Codex
Okay, I’m going to be honest here, it’s really more of a crush on the actress, Felicia Day, rather than the character, Codex, she plays in The Guild. But come on, what nerd doesn’t have a crush on Felicia Day? She’s a gamer (with her own internet sitcom about gaming addiction), she was on Buffy, and she has a double degree in Mathematics and Violin Performance. Daayyyyumn.
Seven of Nine
Okay sure, adding Seven to the cast of Star Trek Voyager clad in a skin tight corset and cat suit was a shameless grab for male viewership. It worked. But in an otherwise feminist positive show, with a strong female starship captain, the objectification of seven was a little jarring. It was a credit to the actress that she managed to get past the suit and portray a great character coming to terms with what it means to be human. Being an ex-borg, seven had a bit of a gruff exterior, didn’t take any bullshit, but underneath it was still the vulnerable little girl she was before she was abducted. Are we sensing a pattern here?
Willow Rosenberg
Buffy’s best friend Willow was the nerdy girl in the show who went on to become a confident, powerful witch with more demon ass-kicking ability than the vampire slayer herself.
Tara
Tara was Willow’s girlfriend on Buffy. Her shyness was so adorable you just wanted to hug her. And then have sex with her.
Faith
Again from Buffy the Vamp Slayer, Faith was the bad girl. So bad it that was good. Soooo good.
Hopefully that clears things up and wasn’t too creepy. Perhaps you could join in the weirdness by mentioning any fictional people you would “do” in the comments? No?
Daniel Kinsman 